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Paragon Security Zombie Protection Guide

 

The National Inquirer and horror movie conspiracy theorists have long supported claims that a Zombie takeover is possible.  Until recently, these claims seemed like absurd delusions or stories belonging to films such as Night of the Living Dead, I Am Legend, Zombieland or The Walking Dead tv series.  However, the many alarming news stories of recent dealing with the Cannibalism and Corporeal Mutilation (such as the case in which a man stabbed himself and when approached by the police, proceeded to throw organs and intestines at the officers), are shocking indications of a world gone mad.  These accounts can only mean one thing: a Zombie epidemic has begun.

Upon hearing the news of such stories, we at Paragon Security have had a meating meeting of the minds and put together a list of the precautions to help you prepare your home in the event of an imminent threat of a Zombie epidemic.  (For those Zombieland film fans, we leave the rules #1 Cardio, to you and #2 “Double Tap” to the proper authorities).

-Doors:  Is your front door solid hardwood, iron, aluminum or other hard metal?  Our 2 inch, fire-proof doors are approved for full fire prevention by FDNY.  A door that can withstand  a house fire for up to 2 hrs will certainly be a vital aid in protecting your home from Zombie attack.

-Windows:  Ensure your windows have our quality iron gates to ensure that intrusion is prevented, even if the window glass is broken or damaged.  This precaution will keep out intruders of both the living and undead variety.

– Surveillance:  With a state-of-the-art Video Intercom System, you will have no surprises when inviting someone into your home.  Those wishing to solicit or rob you (or even eat your brain) will be prevented access long before it becomes too late.

– Peepholes:  A properly functioning peephole or door viewer allows you to monitor entry into your home.  Ding dong.  Friend or foe?  Is that neighbor from 4G looking to borrow a cup of sugar, or are their desires of the more carnivorous variety?  Don’t take your chances, just take a look!

– Secure Locks:  We can provide you with High Security Locks (both bottom and top) that are based on a pick-proof system and have a restricted magnetic key card for optimal protection against foreign invasion into your home.  Secure your home from Zombie attacks with secure locks!

All of these security upgrades can be provided by your Paragon Security technicians.  In the (increasingly likely) event of a Zombie attack or Zombie virus epidemic, put your trust in our skills and security expertise to secure your home.

*We stand by the reliability of our products and service.  In the event that a Zombie gains access to your home due to a malfunction in any of the above parts or services, Paragon Security will replace this system free of charge.

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